Hamish
by ijustlovemesomefriedchicken
Summary: I stand in front of the mirror, looking at myself with a pure loathing. But yet a part of me doesn't hate at all, only loves. Only loves the two men at the same time and doesn't have a problem with it. (Phan) (One shot)


**Been a while, hasn't it? Heh... **

He can never know what happened that night. And every few nights since- it would be a stretch to say every night. You might like to say I...play around away from home.

Okay, I'm a cheat. And honestly? I'm disgusted. And what's even worse is that the guy's married. To a perfectly respectable woman who just happens to be friends with me and Phil. What a mess I've gotten myself into, yet again.

But it's not that easy; I've fallen for him. Possibly even more than Phil.

As soon as Megs introduced him at our house-warming party, we instantly clicked, thankfully under the radar of the other two, who were chatting in the lounge as we went to "make some tea". His brown eyes much like my own and his golden-almost-red hair intrigued me. Afterwards we went out for a "friendly pint" in which we had a "friendly conversation" about various "friendly conversation starters". We've just been so "friendly", y'know?

He hasn't been my first either. Almost every time I've went to that damn bar I've banged someone different, someone mysterious. A stereotypical tall dark stranger. But since Hamish happened...it's been so much better.

He loves me. He whispers it when he makes love to me, he shows me off down at the gay bars, he tells me he'll leave Megs one day and I tell him the same. Even if it is just a bunch of sweet nothings, they certainly are sweet and neither of us care.

We've got another dinner over at ours tonight and I'm buttoning up one of my "dressier" polo shirts as I stand in front of the mirror, looking at myself with a pure loathing. But yet a part of me doesn't hate at all, only loves. Only loves the two men at the same time and doesn't have a problem with it.

Phil comes up behind me and kisses my neck gently. "You look hot."

I smile down at him, kissing him for a second before I whisper back, "You look hotter."

"It's good to make an impression, right?"

"Oh, as soon as they leave I'm gonna make an impression on _you_, baby," I purr with a cheeky wink.

"Dan!" he squeals as I pounce-attack him to the bed and kiss him furiously for a minute, as if making up for all the wrong I've done, but eventually he pulls away and wriggles from under me. "Easy tiger! I need to go turn the chicken down," he giggled. "Y'know I just love how understanding Megs and Hamish are with the whole gay couple thing, I mean.."

I tune out as his words blur together in a horrible concoction of pure guilt. Why did he have to bring that up? Why why why? It was such a perfect moment until...oh gosh, I'm going to throw up.

"Dan, are you okay?" he looks down at me with concern.

I can't even nod before I need to sprint to the bathroom and empty my stomach into the round toilet bowl. I sense him behind me but don't make an effort to get up, flush the toilet or rinse out my mouth. I feel like what I can taste on my tongue all of a sudden.

"Don't come in."

"Why?"

"Just don't."

"Okay."  
The thing about Phil is he asks no questions and gets told no lies, whereas Hamish asks all the wrong questions and gets told a handfull of lies everytime. I'll never leave Phil and he knows it. I'll never leave him. Never never never.

Before I know it I'm sobbing. "...Never leave. N-never l-l-leave. I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU PHIL!"

He's beside me in an instant, rubbing my back and kissing my filthy lips; I don't deserve to be touched but I let him do it anyway as I sob harder into his shoulder, letting the guilt all out.

"Hey, shhh baby. Shhhh baby boy, I'm here, okay? Do you want me to cancel? Chicken's burned anyway."

I can only nod into his warm chest. A warmth that I'm infecting with my unloyal heart.

* * *

_Have I done something wrong? We haven't spoken in days. Are you okay? Something hasn't happened between you and P has it? Just...call me, okay? x_

I put my phone down as I roll back over. I've been in bed for a week now, not bothering to do anything. And most of the time Phil's been right there with me, giving me cuddles and kisses and just general affection. It's what Phil does, unlike Hamish to whom I'm just walking sex. Phil cares about me and I was an idiot not to realise.

But there's still something about Hamish. I can't stop thinking about him even as I lie in my adorable boyfriend's arms.

Hamish...maybe I will give him a call.

_Cheater cheater, where'd you meet her, down at Ernie's bar?_


End file.
